just when I was getting comfortable

So there I was, minding my owns, when I heard a scraping noise. Scraping noises in my home can usually be ascribed to the cat, but she happened to be sitting on the chair next to me, so I went to investigate. I found, sticking through my door, a notice from the landlord informing me that if I choose to renew my lease in August, they will be raising my rent by 10%. I have until the end of this month to resign or not.

I think Prince pretty well sums up my reaction:

So now I have to figure out wtf I’m doing. My preference would be to stay here, at the same rent or something close, so I’m going to call the landlord and see if that works out. I’m not hopeful, though, so it’s likely that I’m moving. Again.

And man, I really don’t want to go through the whole apartment-finding process for a second time in a year. But this place isn’t worth the extra 10%. It’s really not.

And I was so happy to move into my own place.

somebody needs to explain this to me

Update: Apparently this is a Canada thing. They can’t win something in a sweepstakes unless they’ve demonstrated a skill. Or something. How odd. Thanks to commenter Holly!

So Disney is doing a sweepstakes where you can win an all-expenses-paid trip to Disney World or Land, and I have been faithfully entering every day. (duh.) I skimmed the rules when I started, but I just actually really read them and I found this:

Each Canadian resident who is a potential winner will be required to answer correctly a mathematical skill testing question without assistance of any kind whether mechanical or otherwise to be declared a winner and be eligible to collect a prize.

…lolwhut.

Can anyone explain to me why that sentence is there. Americans can go to Disney if they’re dumb, but Canadians must prove mathematical prowess? I do not understand.

Screencaps in case you don’t believe me:

the sweatcatcher: smell better in 3 easy steps

(Remember the blog cleanup project I was doing, like, aaaages ago? I found this sitting in “drafts” and figured it would make a good Friday post—you know, in case you’re looking for a weekend project. It’s originally from blogspot Gracetopia.)

If you are looking for a do-it-yourself, eco-friendly alternative to deodorant, look no further! You all, of course, know what an underarm guard is. Now you can make one yourself!

Wait, you don’t know? Oh. Okay. Here’s a review of Garment Guard’s “Underarm Shields,” which, after a quick google, seem to be in charge of the market. They are basically little, like, flat shoulder pads that you stick to your clothes where your armpit goes. They provide a barrier between your underarm sweat and your clothes. Sexy.

But you have to keep throwing them away, which a) can get costly and b) causes more waste which makes our environment unhappy. But thanks to the good folks at wikihow, we now have a solution!

It involves, uh, straps and wires and socks and baking soda and safety pins and… matches. Keep in mind if you wear a bra you might be able to skip the harness step, and you can always vary the amount of baking soda based on “circumstance.”

But beware. There are downsides to the sweatcatcher, as outlined in the Warnings! section.

Although decreased body odor may initially make you more attractive to the opposite sex, discovery of the apparatus could be a shock to your partner that inhibits intimacy. Find an excuse to use the restroom and remove the guards before any situation where your shirt may be removed.

I find that dying of laughter does inhibit intimacy, yes. So be careful.

I would like to thank Princess Penelope for bringing this to my attention. And now you can’t say you don’t ever learn anything useful on this blog.

France does Star Wars

Currently baking (burning?) bread, but I had to pop by to share this.

I have no idea what the fuck is going on, but my god it is fabulous.

This blog is not responsible for any laughter-related injuries you may experience from viewing this video.

Special thanks to Hardcore Nerdity for bringing it to my attention.

dusk

I have a confession to make.

I am about to—willingly—watch Twilight.

I know. I know.

There’s going to be much of teh beer and Rifftrax involved, but even in my mind that doesn’t make up for the sacrilege I am about to commit. I mean, when I tried to read the book (in a bookstore), I read 20 pages in about 45 seconds and just about gouged my eyes out. The info I’ve gleaned from reviews makes me want to vomit (uh, hello idealizing an abusive relationship?). And, I mean, come on—sparkly vampires??

I expect to spend the entire movie slightly nauseated, but not because I’ve hit my head. (I would blame this viewing on the head injury, but I think I’ve already used up all of my “concussion points.”) So. Starting drinking… now.

houston, we have a problem

So I was born with a superpower.

I never get lost.

That’s right. You have no idea how awesome this is. I always know which way is north (although sometimes I have a few moments of frightening disorientation when I come out of a subway) and even if I don’t know what streets are doing I can point and say, “we want to be going that way.” Distances I’m not great with, but direction I got down.

And maps. I can look at a map once, figure out how to get from Point A to Point B, and get there no matter what. Even if I have to take a detour for some reason, I get there there 1-2-3 easy.

However.

My superpower appears to be horribly broken.

A couple of weeks ago it took me 30 minutes to walk to someone’s house 5 minutes from mine. I knew where I was going, I had looked at a map and received directions from my roommate, and seriously it was like 2 turns. 5 minutes. Took me 30. I do not know what happened. The streets just—weren’t doing the right thing. I’d find the right street and then lose it, even though I was on it. It was seriously like being in the twilight zone.

And then today.

I was on Boylston. And then I wasn’t. And then there was a train track in the way when I tried to circle back. It took me almost 45 minutes, again to go about two blocks. (I turned the wrong way at an intersection. If I had turned the correct way I would have been there in 5.)

So, seriously. WTF, world. You can’t just give a girl a superpower and then take it away without warning!! I am not used to being lost I don’t know how to handle it. HELP ME OBI-WAN KENOBI.

pretty as a picture

Okay everyone, hold onto your hats. I am about to show you the most shocking picture you have ever seen.

I KNOW WHAT THE HELL.

For those of you playing at home, here is what Shane MacGowan used to look like:

CAN YOU SPOT THE DIFFERENCE???

HINT:

THE MAN HAS ALL HIS TEETH.

My world is rocked. Turned upside down. I no longer trust the sun to rise in the east or my compass to point north. Shane MacGowan got his teeth fixed. What is this world coming to?

stargirl update

You may perhaps remember Stargirl from the other day. The girl who “fell asleep” and got 56 stars tattooed on her face instead of the 3 she wanted.

Turns out—now hold onto your hats, my dears—she was lying!!!!

Shocking, right?

She’s admitted that the artist’s story was right all along. She did in fact get exactly what she requested, but when she went home daddy pitched a fit so she made up this fib which couldn’t possibly have any repercussions, right?

Well, the tattoo artist has been vindicated, the girl is in loads of trouble, and I was able to use that picture again. So all is well.

zomg

So apparently this is old news.

But Tim Burton is making Alice in Wonderland.

With like 50 of my favorite actors.

*dies*

The usual suspects are in it—Johnny Depp (Mad Hatter), Helena Bonham Carter (Red Queen)—but also starring are Timothy Spall, Alan Fucking Rickman (Caterpillar!), Stephen Fucking Fry (Cheshire Cat), Christopher Fucking Lee (the Jabberwock), and Michael Sheen (<3). Anne Hathaway is in it too, but eh.

But omg.

I so cannot wait.

Now that I’ve, you know, caught up to the rest of the world and figured out this movie is happening. :/

zomg.

deja vu all over again

So I am just going to apologize in advance. To everyone.

I’m having knee problems again. (see previous post about how I was playing a video game…) And once again nothing seems to be wrong—aside from, you know, the massive amounts of pain and the fact that my leg won’t straighten. So I’m going to find an orthopedist and probably get an MRI and probably have nothing wrong with me. We’ll see.

And if last year’s (similar) injury* is any indication, I am going to be very bitchy and whiny for a while. So I apologize; if I am bitchy and whiny to you (moreso than usual, I mean), that’s why. I don’t handle pain well, and this is the second time in 2 years I’ve had to deal with this shit, and it’s going to turn me into a pain in the ass.

So I’m sorry.

Yeah.

.

*For those of you who have not been following my life for the past year-and-a-half, I had a freak-knee-accident in February 2008 that put me on crutches for a while. Nothing showed up on x-rays. Nothing showed up on the MRI (though, granted, I put that off as long as possible b/c I didn’t think I could afford it—6 months). Just lots of pain and a leg that wouldn’t straighten properly. So. Here we go again.